Archive for the 'Stupidity' Category

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Ryanair in Schoolie Shocker

Ryanair Schoolie AdSo Ryanair have been criticised by the ASA for their amazingly tacky advert featuring a model dressed as a schoolgirl: the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) said the “irresponsible” image appeared to link teenage girls with sexually provocative behaviour.

Now personally, I have reservations about people who find images of women dressed as schoolgirls sexy, but that’s probably because I have a daughter of school age.

Needless to say Ryanair knew exactly what they were doing as they obviously think there’s no such thing as bad publicity:

“The ASA becomes more Monty Pythonesque by the day.  This latest ruling shows how absurd and out of touch this quango really is.  It is remarkable that a picture of a fully clothed model is now claimed to cause “serious or widespread offence”, when many of the UK’s leading daily newspaper regularly run pictures of topless or partially dressed females without causing any serious or widespread offence…”

Maybe because they’re not regularly dressed as schoolgirls to broaden Ryanair’s appeal to the frequent paedo flyer…

visordown.com – An Object Lesson

Once upon a time, a motorcycle journalist and his friend set up an online discussion forum for motorcyclists and called it visordown.com

The forum software they were using was vBulletin which is very fine indeed and the site became a great success. That success led to Ben Cope selling advertising space on the board and serving ads. as well as setting up a supporter scheme to suppress those ads. and presumably putting some of that revenue into the hosting and software costs (although there was a rumour that some of those costs were being met elsewhere).

Then a publishing house called Magicalia bought visordown.com to complement their motorcycle magazine, “TWO”. Initially things got off to a bad start with TWO including some content from visordown.com in an issue without asking for permission to do so.

It also appeared that visordown’s free and easy, say what you like attitude was being clamped down on by its new owners.

In the meantime, vBulletin announced that the latest version of their software – version 3.7 – was being developed with user blogs (basically extended user profile pages) and user galleries to make what was already the best message board software even better.

So when an announcement was made a little while back seeking testers for the new version of visordown.com and when the board was turned off yesterday for an upgrade, I was quietly pleased.

And then they re-opened the board today. It’s been moved to a different server now running different ASP board software. A server that appears to be common to the rest of the Magicalia sites all running the same board software. No doubt that decision makes sense to a large company running a number of message boards: one set of architecture to support. Of course that throws aside the history and treats visordown.com as a new site rather than an established one.

And the ‘new’ board software is, frankly, rubbish compared with vBulletin. It also appears from all the server error messages I was getting this evening when trying to post new threads or reply to existing ones, that the server or the software (or a combination of the two) cannot cope with the traffic that visordown.com generates.

I expect that the regular users will soon get fed up with the board issues and the lack of features they were used to before.

Let that be a lesson to us all…

Best Spam Ever!

An absolute corker this morning, with the subject “Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II”:

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II
Queen of England
Buckingham Palace
London SW1A 1AA, England.
********************************

ATTN: Winner

Your Ticket number: 56475600545/012 with Serial number 5368/05 drew
the Lucky number: 86.

On behalf of the Queen of England, we are pleased to notify you
that your email has won in the Annual Christmas free Internet Lotto
Sweepstakes and as a result you have been granted the lump sum payout of
£500,000 GBP which is equivalent to $917,956.00 USD.

To file for your prize, please fill and submit the claims processing
form to:

*********************************
Mr. Perkins Oliver
Email: perk...@yahoo.co.uk
Telephone: +44 702 402 4689
Fax: +44 707 502 4610
**********************************
CLAIMS PROCESSING FORM:
1 Full Names:
2 Address:
3 Age:
4 Sex:
5 Marital Status:
6 Occupation:
7 Phone numbers:
8 Country:
9 Email:

We advice you to contact your claims officer as detailed above
immediately to avoid Claims deadline.

Congratulations,
Mrs. Sarah Wilfred for
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II
Queen of England.

So Betty’s running a sweepstakes now, is she? Excellent. And handy to tell me where she’s Queen as well, just in case I’m not sure. And she’s making 50p per minute on accepting any incoming calls and faxes! Anyone would think this might be a scam :)

Sack the Hypocrite!

So the Chief Constable of South Yorkshire and former chair of roads policing at the Association of Chief Police Officers has been banned for 6 weeks from driving for speeding at 90mph in a 60mph limit.

He already had two spent convictions on his licence.

How can this rank hypocrite remain in his poisition if he clearly breaks the laws he expounds and is paid to enforce?

He should resign immediately.

A Personal Apology From HMR&C

So Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs have confirmed that our details were amongst those they managed to lose.

Their Acting Chairman, Dave Hartnett, wrote us “a personal apology”. Well, OK, he didn’t actually sign it. And he didn’t even bother stamping a signature on it. {sigh}

So what did it actually say?

“The copy of the data is likely to still be on Government property. The police are now conducting a search. There is no evidence that it is in the possession of anyone else.”

Well considering it was supposed to have gone from an office in Newcastle to an office somewhere else, they should have been able to find them by now, surely, if they are likely to still be on Governemet property? And of course there’s no evidence that it isn’t in the possession of anyone else, is there?

So what data is it they’ve managed to shove on a CD and lose? Nothing important, I expect.

“This data includes your and your children’s names and dates of birth, your address, your National Insurance number and, where relevant, the details of the bank or building society account…”

So … most of the necessary details for identity fraud.

Ah well, we can take comfort from his assuances that:

“all efforts are being made to ensure that such a loss can never happen again.”

What? Like maybe sending two CDs’ worth of data by e-mail rather than putting it onto CDs and shoving it in the post? And as I pointed out in my earlier post on this subject, it’s not the first time these idiots have messed up.

Am I confident in their abilities? Am I fuck! Same bunch of civil servants with cast-iron, index-linked pensions and no responsibility…

Word 2007 Speechless

Yet another “benefit” or “upgrading” to Word 2007 is the loss of the text-to-speech function inlcuded in earlier versions – I used to use this to read a Word document from one screen so that I could look for differences in a document or web page on another screen.

I found this out after waiting a little while for the Word Help [sic] window to finally open. It says:

“Text-to-speech features are included only in Microsoft Office Excel.”

Why? Well clearly Microsoft want us all to “upgrade” to Windows Vista, their operating system that would insist on my replacing a previously high end sound card with a new one just because there are no Vista drivers for it. Why the hell should I?

You think I’m kidding? No:

“Speech recognition features are not available in the 2007 Microsoft Office system programs.

“To use speech recognition features, run Windows Speech Recognition in Windows Vista.”

Or not. Helpfully, Microsoft also say:

“If your operating system is Microsoft Windows XP, you must run a previous version of a Microsoft Office system program to use speech recognition features.”

Now they tell us…

There is, however, a workaround. From within Word start the VBA Editor  by pressing Alt+F11.

Add a reference in the normal project to Microsoft Speech Object Library (Tools | References…).

Locate the “Microsoft Speech Object Library” reference and add a tick to the check box.

Note: You must have installed the Speech portion of Excel for the Microsoft Speech Object Library to be available to the VBA editor.

Create a new module by right-clicking the Modules element in the tree under the Normal project and clicking Insert | Module. Call it TextToSpeech in the module’s properties box (where it will say Module1 or whatever next to “(Name)”).

Copy and paste the following macro code into the module you have created, save and close the macro editor.

Dim speech as SpVoice 'Don't overlook this line!

Sub SpeakText()
'Based on a macro by Mathew Heikkila
'
On Error Resume Next
Set speech = New SpVoice
If Len(Selection.Text) > 1 Then 'speak selection
speech.Speak Selection.Text, _
SVSFlagsAsync + SVSFPurgeBeforeSpeak
Else 'speak whole document
speech.Speak ActiveDocument.Range(0, ActiveDocument.Characters.Count).Text, _
SVSFlagsAsync + SVSFPurgeBeforeSpeak
End If
Do
DoEvents
Loop Until speech.WaitUntilDone(10)
Set speech = Nothing
End Sub
Sub StopSpeaking()
'Based on a macro by Mathew Heikkila
'used to interrupt any running speech to text
On Error Resume Next
speech.Speak vbNullString, SVSFPurgeBeforeSpeak
Set speech = Nothing
End Sub

Now add this to your Quick Access Toolbar by clicking the down arrow at the end of the QAT | Customize Quick Access Toolbar | More Commands | Choose commands from: and select Macros from the drop-down list | Add | OK.

To use the macro, select a block of text to be read out to you and click the Macro in your QAT (or else it will read the whole shebang as I must confess the stop macro didn’t work for me…).

Speeding

On the same subject, I was pondering about speeding today: a lovely day, a wide dual-carriageway that had opened up to three lanes, the fairly light traffic moving well, etc.

The traffic was flowing well at speeds of between 50 and 100mph, I’d guess, with no bunching, lots of space being left, etc. Nice and safe.

And then we came across a rare sight on our roads these days: a marked Volvo estate doing slightly under 70mph. All the alert drivers slowed down to 70mph and for the few miles until the police car turned off, it was horrible. The previously free-flowing road was now snarled up with everyone keeping to the limit and thus taking much longer to overake the slower moving commercial vehicles which in turn was causing longer queues of traffic and further bunching. It was clearly a far more dangerous place to be with so many other vehicles in a smaller area than they otherwise would be taking up.

But of course, that wasn’t the point, was it? Forget good driving: everyone was having to simply obey an arbitrary limit set in 1965 when the average family car was hard pressed to hit 70mph and even more hard pressed to slow down from that speed. Ridiculous!

The Trouble with Speed Cameras…

So after people decided that the “scameras” were being located for maximum revenue potential rather than to actually save lives – pouring scorn on the pathetic “safety camera” doublespeak that our illustrious leaders and the NGOs indulge in to restrict us - regulations were introduced to require speed cameras to be brightly painted, be visible from 60m (200ft), and be sited only where there was a history of road accidents. Of course the scamera vans flouted these guidelines no doubt to be seen to be doing something about this scourge (sarcasm intended).

It was only by chance that I happened upon an article in the Motoring section of today’s Daily Telegraph which reveals an about turn by the Department for Transport and that those regulations are now merely guidelines. So we can now expect these little Hitlers to be concealing scameras all over the place to provide as much justification as possible for these useless wankers to keep their overpaid and unnecessary jobs.

Their true intentions are revealed by this telling quote from Lee Murphy, speed camera manager for Cheshire:

“If the rules weren’t compulsory, we could use cameras to tackle emerging trends rather than waiting for the minimum number of collisions.”

In other words, “forget the justification for speed cameras being that they are positioned to assist road safety, it’s all about the money!”

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

…or “who will guard the guardians?”

So it appears that the head of the National Audit Office – which is there to “[scrutinise] public spending on behalf of Parliament” – is able to authorise his own expenses. In carrying out his role (apparently), Sir John Bourn has over the past six months spent £16,998 of taxpayers’ money on mainly first class travel for himself and his wife. And she does what, precisely?

Sir John and Lady Bourn took first class foreign trips to San Francisco, Venice, Lisbon, Brazil, South Africa, the Bahamas and Budapest. One trip to Brazil cost £15,997. So why – exactly – is the watchdog for public spending in the UK travelling first class to these destinations and more to the point why is his wife accompanying him?

Still the Public Accounts Commission investigated and cleared him of any wrongdoing. Well they would, wouldn’t they, given that our MPs claimed £87.6M in expenses themselves last year…

Amir Khan

Tosser!




overtone